Now before you assume that this is about faking ‘IT’… It’s not. It’s more about how to fake being an adult. After all, I’m pretty convinced that real adults do it too. No one really knows how to adult properly. Well, at least I don’t think they do.
After leaving school we are all expected to act like grownups. But, if you’re anything like me, it’s something that takes time to grasp. ‘Adulting’ is one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot on social media. Most of the time, to convince people we have met throughout our lives, that we have matured into real grownups. We all do it, it’s not necessarily a bad thing; but if we convince ourselves we can adult, does that mean we start to morph into one? Who fucking knows..
In an attempt to adult since I was sixteen, I have learnt nothing. I mean I’ve learnt a lot, but more in a sense of, hangovers aren’t fun, the majority of males are fuck boys and that food is expensive when you have to stand on your own two feet. That’s about it though, when it comes to learning on my own. Don’t get me wrong; my parents have attempted to teach me how to adult. I know that credit cards are bad, but I could also put together an IKEA flat pack wardrobe. But unfortunately I don’t think that it has served me well so far (because I break everything).
When I used trusty old Google for some advice on how to adult, this is what it threw back at me:
- Ask for little to no allowance. … I’ll just starve to death then
- Accept advice from your parents. … I’m always right
- Go out and live your own life. … How can I do that if I can’t have a decent allowance?
- Solve problems yourself. … Twitter is my therapy
- Treat classes and homework like your job. … No.
- Try out keeping ‘adult’ hours. … WTF does that even mean?
- Consider getting a part-time job… whilst doing homework and ‘adult hours’ as well?
On a serious note, I try to do these things, it just gets too much for one person to handle. So here is how I’ve started to fool everyone I’m an adult. (It’s a fool-proof, idiots guide to faking it).
- Drink a fuck load of coffee.. People will assume you never sleep because you’re just too busy
- Make yourself food from scratch once in a while.. Pretend you’re Nigella, with a coffee addiction
- Keep a to do list in visible sight of everyone.. Actually do the things you have written, but act like it was really hard work
- Keep your room tidy and pretend you’re organised.. That shit fools everyone
- Drink wine.. Everyone needs a drink after faking it all day
As I am well aware, everyone will now know all of my secrets.. Sorry mum.
Honestly though, if this doesn’t help you convince your parents that you’re an adult or get them off your back I don’t know what will… Just remember, step five in my ‘faking it guide’ will help a little. Just don’t go for the whole bottle.