So I stayed in bed till really late again today. In comparison to what I was doing a month or so ago. It’s bizarre that life can literally alter in the blink of an eye and all of a sudden you go from working full time, not really earning a considerable amount, being moderately happy but knowing something is missing. To the complete opposite and having the thing that was missing previously to be your only safe ground. Like a haven…
Currently I’m sat on my mattress on the floor in my bedroom at my mums, trying to figure out what exactly has happened to me and my life in such a short space of time. Really? I’m not entirely sure. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I mean I’m constantly thinking about all of the little (incredibly fucked up) parts of my life and trying to at least get a slight understanding, but when you’re 19 and your whole life takes a slight turn for the worst, it’s pretty difficult.
So here it is. My aim in the next year is to go to uni September ’16, so that’s my main focus; but with an amazing portfolio proving that I would be an amazing photographer with all the little bits that come with it. Move to London because I’m in love with it and in comparison to the population of the capital it makes me feel weirdly calm and at home. As well as that, you know; it’s one of the most cultural cities I’ve been to (other than Milan), the art scene is incredible, artists work for passion rather than just for money and also it’s where I lost my Five Guys virginity, so naturally as a girl, I am emotionally drawn to my first love (not surprising it’s food, hey).
Seriously though, my slight sanity (that’s left anyway) is due to the fact I have my photography. If I didn’t have that, I’d probably be crying myself to sleep every night with a bottle of Jim Beam tucked up in bed with me. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous but when you’re 19, your friends are a text here and there because they have lives (unlike yourself), you don’t have money or a job and you’ve picked up some bad habits that literally came from nowhere (actually I’ll thank my dad for those) shit gets really fucking confusing.
So from this point (Tuesday 22nd September 2015) I vow to be myself and never end up the forty-nine year old ‘soccer mom’, who wishes she’d chased her dreams a little more, still wore red lips and nails and lived in sequins, fur and a fuck load of rings (me now). I also vow to make sure that the people in my life are always in my life no matter what happens (basically don’t lose lines of communication with the people I love). Lastly, I vow to never let anyone stop me from being a photographer or from being who I am. Period. *How do you end vows by the way? Is it ‘Amen’? or do I just celebrate with a shot of something?*