Fake It Till You Make It, Honey

Now before you assume that this is about faking ‘IT’… It’s not. It’s more about how to fake being an adult. After all, I’m pretty convinced that real adults do it too. No one really knows how to adult properly. Well, at least I don’t think they do.

After leaving school we are all expected to act like grownups. But, if you’re anything like me, it’s something that takes time to grasp. ‘Adulting’ is one of those terms that gets thrown around a lot on social media. Most of the time, to convince people we have met throughout our lives, that we have matured into real grownups. We all do it, it’s not necessarily a bad thing; but if we convince ourselves we can adult, does that mean we start to morph into one? Who fucking knows..

In an attempt to adult since I was sixteen, I have learnt nothing. I mean I’ve learnt a lot, but more in a sense of, hangovers aren’t fun, the majority of males are fuck boys and that food is expensive when you have to stand on your own two feet. That’s about it though, when it comes to learning on my own. Don’t get me wrong; my parents have attempted to teach me how to adult. I know that credit cards are bad, but I could also put together an IKEA flat pack wardrobe. But unfortunately I don’t think that it has served me well so far (because I break everything).

When I used trusty old Google for some advice on how to adult, this is what it threw back at me:

  1. Ask for little to no allowance. … I’ll just starve to death then
  2. Accept advice from your parents. … I’m always right
  3. Go out and live your own life. … How can I do that if I can’t have a decent allowance?
  4. Solve problems yourself. … Twitter is my therapy
  5. Treat classes and homework like your job. … No.
  6. Try out keeping ‘adult’ hours. … WTF does that even mean?
  7. Consider getting a part-time job… whilst doing homework and ‘adult hours’ as well?

 

On a serious note, I try to do these things, it just gets too much for one person to handle. So here is how I’ve started to fool everyone I’m an adult. (It’s a fool-proof, idiots guide to faking it).

  1. Drink a fuck load of coffee.. People will assume you never sleep because you’re just too busy
  2. Make yourself food from scratch once in a while.. Pretend you’re Nigella, with a coffee addiction
  3. Keep a to do list in visible sight of everyone.. Actually do the things you have written, but act like it was really hard work
  4. Keep your room tidy and pretend you’re organised.. That shit fools everyone
  5. Drink wine.. Everyone needs a drink after faking it all day

As I am well aware, everyone will now know all of my secrets.. Sorry mum.

Honestly though, if this doesn’t help you convince your parents that you’re an adult or get them off your back I don’t know what will… Just remember, step five in my ‘faking it guide’ will help a little. Just don’t go for the whole bottle.

Gin & Platonic?

When you’re twenty something, it starts to dawn on you that you either find someone soon or you’re destined to become a spinster sister with your best friend. Pretty scary, especially when you’re near the capital and have instead taken up a less social approach to life, leaving you in this predicament .

Being younger and meeting cool people was easy. You go on a night out, meet a few people and you hit it off and continue drinking, until someone does something they later regret. But that’s difficult when you move to a small town outside of London, with the percentage of the population being over 50. Don’t get me wrong oldies are goldies.. but only if they’re Harrison Ford!

Sometimes, it gets to a point in life, when you fell as though you’re stuck in a bit of a rut. A big fat hole of no love, kind of rut.

For some, Tinder is a feasible option. If I’m honest though, I don’t think I’d be cut out for bazaar interactions with random people, without a few shots. You never know how that’s going to end..

Moving near the big city, I thought I’d finally get a chance to find a whole bunch of fun acquaintances. I must admit, I have met some great people and definitely some friends for life, but it’s one of those situations where friendships are either platonic (all of mine) or you have to work your way around the opposite sex to find the right one (which I can tell you just from watching, DOES NOT END WELL).

For the majority of us, it’s a pretty difficult job meeting potential suitors. University is definitely the place to meet new people but it does get difficult. Whilst trying to juggle hand-ins, that we all do the night before, having some sort of social life and doing so with no money to really spend, dating ends up on the back burner. But, for those few lucky ones that manage to find relationships at university or somehow keep long distance relationships going, the rest of us end up lying in bed watching Netflix and spooning pillows (speaking mainly for myself).

Living as a student I have definitely realised how lonely it can get and how daunting the idea of dating seems. Especially when you’re the ‘old lady’ within the groups of friends. Sometimes we can let our hair down and dance on tables, but for the most part, having a brew and keeping a to-do list is much more exciting. But where does that leave us?

One must admit, even though becoming a spinster seems like it could potentially be fun, I sometimes can’t help notice that each year a birthday passes, as does another year of disappointment in my love life. I can’t say that I’m too surprised though really, because I’d probably choose my gal pals over a date.

For the time being, I may have to stick to booze and my favourite babes to get me through the biggest boy draught the world has potentially ever seen.  As for my parents wanting grand kids one day.. well, you’ve got other kids.

 

Life Is Like A Giant Hangover

One thing I’m certain about is that being young is difficult. It’s one of those things that sometimes feels as though it’s the easiest thing in the world and then all of a sudden comes crashing down on you worse than a hangover after a crazy night out (you know the ones I mean, when you wake up thinking you survived drinking copious amounts of toxic to only feel like it’s your last day on earth five minutes later).

My experience being young wasn’t too great. From braces and a fringe to never going out with friends after school because I preferred eating cheese toasties and watching That 70’s Show, I didn’t have the usual social life of a young person in Leicestershire. As well as all of this I was also the Ugly Betty. Sure! Things have changed a little now but mainly because I know how to contour and finally learnt how to dress myself without looking like a clown. Even so, my school years were never to kind to me; but it taught me to not care about people’s opinions, so even though I didn’t test well I learnt the biggest lesson pretty early on, to never give a fuck of what people thought of me.

From going to house parties and pretending you’re staying at your mates, to coming home and paying ridiculous amounts in taxi fines over the years because drinking and travelling isn’t for you, being a teen is traumatic. Having been able to legally drink from 18 in the UK; not that it stopped most of us drinking before that anyway, it does get out of hand pretty quickly. My last year of being a teen was maybe the most difficult. I was severely depressed for the majority of the year alongside denial, partying and getting drunk every weekend and caring more about boys and Glen’s vodka than studying. Yes, I’m aware that it’s a normal part of being a teen, but it starts to play a big part in life for teenagers, especially girls and especially  those from a little town in a big city.

Once I turned 20, well lets just say things started going fairly ok. As ok as they could be. I think I learnt my lesson on my birthday that drinking wasn’t always about not remembering everything the next day. I’ll admit, I’ve had a few nights out where I’ve gotten stupidly drunk but it’s calmed down a little. Even then sometimes you do still feel down and wonder if maybe your expectations are little high when you’ve spent your whole life saying that you will never give into the white picket fence and the 2.2 children statistic. But then you have a sudden realisation that you are incapable of looking after children and managing to hold down a job and a household; so you feel a little stuck in between life and fantasy.

As the months go quicker and I come closer and closer to the big day that I celebrate twenty-one years on earth without dying, I realise more and more that everything that’s happened in life has happened. I can’t change it or morph into someone new. Admittedly it’s shit, but you have to come to terms with the fact that life isn’t always the most fun thing in the world. I’m not one for cheesy motto’s but sometimes you have to just take what life throws at you and get on with it (something my mum would say when in a heated discussion) but it’s true, not that I would ever usually admit it.

Cold Heart + Cold Pizza

As the saying goes there’s a soulmate out there for everyone. Unfortunately, unless my soulmate is in a glass bottle and called San Miguel I don’t think I’ll be falling in love anytime soon. I’m sure I’m not the only female in the world whose love life flops before it’s even started, but then again every girl seems to have some sort of attachment to a guy or ten.

I’ve been at uni for a nearly two months and so far, well lets just say my love life has gone from pretty great to non-existent. From unexpected breakup texts to unexpected interactions, I don’t think I’ll need to shave anytime soon (I’m kind of glad, I don’t have time for personal grooming anyway).

For most young girls my age finding someone you’re infatuated by to spend your time with is a pretty important thing. But what about when it all goes wrong and we promise to never let ourselves go through that again and gain no real attachment to a person; does it really work? My guess is no for the majority.

Love is a weird thing.. A very scary thing. For someone who has promised herself to never actually admit it to anyone it makes everything a lot harder. Dropping the ‘L’ bomb is a massive deal, not just because that means you’ve finally admitted defeat but also because it’s a bigger step than just letting a guy see you without your real eyebrows on. It’s not the easiest thing trying to have a relationship when you claim you’re a cold-hearted bitch and don’t ever have any real feelings, but it’s also difficult when you let your guard down and act human around someone you genuinely do have feeling for. Even if you do just refer to what you have as ‘just feelings’.

Getting to know someone is a great thing most of the time. Especially when you find out they like pizza as much as you do and have a love for spooning. But when it ends that’s another story. You go from infatuated to inflated within seconds and it’s pretty heartbreaking, especially when you realise you can’t turn your feelings off. It’s worse knowing that you don’t have much hate in your body too, not enough to cuss your former lover anyway.

After a breakup we can all admit that we start to over think and start listening to that one song on repeat day after day that reminds us of that guy that we once claimed we really liked to all of our friends. At least when it all subsides and everyone forgets you were once a thing you can rely on food and a new song that empowers you.. just don’t break your own heart. That’s more difficult to run away from.

PMS? OR Just a bitch?

There isn’t really a fine line between the two. Not for me anyway. I’m rarely horrible to anyone, I like to keep peace most of the time because I’m extremely bad with conflict. But being a female sometimes I do say things that may get me into a little trouble. Like most women. For instance, being pissed off at nothing (I mean quite literally nothing) that you take it out on your mum, or sister or just a boy you really like. But sometimes when I’m feeling a little bitchy I will lie and just say it’s PMS. Oops! Cats out the bag!

Premenstrual symptoms are as follows: Feeling bloated, breast pain, mood swings, feeling irritable and a loss in sex drive. They don’t all happen to everyone; but incase there are any gents that think premenstrual syndrome is a myth as most of them do.. it’s not. Those five infuriating things are real, so real it’s off the NHS website.

Carrying on, as well as pms there is something that all us girls are ‘known’ for. Bitchiness. Although this isn’t an all round girl thing (I don’t think anyway) all women are pretty much pushed to their wits to get to this point at least a few times in life. If not maybe 90% of their lives. But that’s not always our faults. Right girls? Looking online, there is a mixture of females who empower others and then some that don’t. But is that bitchiness or just that special time of the month? Who knows.

Now School children. This part I maybe have the most to say about. Growing up in a city where boys and girls aren’t taught manners or how to talk to each other, a daily thing I heard in school was, “you’re such a bitch” or “she’s on her period, ain’t she”. Well, here are some little things I learn in school. If you say to a girl she’s ‘being a bitch’, you’re definitely about to get you ‘head chopped off’ and therefore we are now apparently on our periods or going through pms. On the other hand, If you tell a girl she’s definitely going through pms, again you will get your ‘head chopped off’. Either way there is no win win situation. For anyone.

The point to this post is, if a girl is being a bitch don’t say “she’s on her period”. Vise versa, if a girl is on her period don’t say “you’re being a bitch”, because fact are facts and you will not come out alive. I can promise you that. This is for men and women and it’s a serious problem you can avoid getting yourself into.

pms-blog

What A Girl Wants.. Or Just Me?

So I had a friend and yes I have friends; message me the other day to say that she was really enjoying the stuff I was writing about. When I asked her what else she’d love to read about, her reply was “Dating!!”. REALLY? Are you sure you want me to write about dating?

But here I am, writing about dating (I know more about maths than I do dating – even that took me 4 attempts and I still failed).

So the same friend that messaged me, was also a friend who was giving me dating advice a few weeks ago. Whilst telling me the things girls usually do when dating a guy, she also said that it wasn’t legit if; He doesn’t take you for dinner in a suit and tie and pays for it and if he doesn’t buys you jewellery or something expensive. Then I spoke. My reply to what seemed crazy and like nonsense (still does a little, sorry *friend*) was.. “One of the best days out I’ve had was going to museums and then going for a burger in Five Guys” (lost my Five Guys virginity too). Yah! Sounds like fun, don’t it? Well apparently that isn’t what girls do. I was not aware of this.

What I took from that chat was that I don’t care. I like going to museums and eating burgers and all of the other things I’ve been doing. That’s quality time. Well kind of, maybe not when the burgers falling out the bun and almost own your top (unless they’re into that, then do that). But seriously, don’t expect expensive things all the time. The best things I could think of are my favourite kinds of things. It’s more to do with “spending quality time, with quality people”. Don’t get me wrong, if the poor sod buys you something, take it and be appreciative. Just don’t expect it.

I already know the girl who messaged me about dating and gave me the idea for this post is probably going to text me later. She’s also probably going to tell me I’m mad and need help. But, oh well!

*Side note* So ‘boy’ if you have read this (which is kind of awkward).. all I want is more burgers and museums.. (and other secret things, shhh!).

Twitter: Kulraj_pooni

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Femininity Is Overrated

So if you Google the word femininity, the definition it comes up with is; ‘the quality of being female; womanliness. Still, I have no idea what that means.

Femininity to me is something completely different to that. I joke all the time about being so ‘unfeminine’. But really I am, in a more I don’t give a s**t kind of way. Don’t get me wrong I always have makeup on and I take a ridiculous amount of time, picking out what I want to wear every morning (purely because I want to be a stylist) but other than that, there’s nothing. My idea of femininity is being lairy, drinking beer and taking advantage of the fact I’m a girl (basically, being confident).

Until today I never really thought about being  feminine or a feminist, nor have I ever thought it’s something that should be fort about or is just something to do with lesbians. I think we all have that preconception that if we aren’t feminine enough we’ll never have a boyfriend or we’ll be protesting in the streets of London.. topless. I understand that most people also have double standards for girls, women too. But why? If I drink beer and joke about sex openly does that mean I should be a man or does it just mean that I’m comfortable with who I am and should carry on with being who I am.

The number of times I’ve heard the words “act more ladylike” or “sometimes I think you should’ve been a boy”. It doesn’t really bother me. Like yeah, cool! I burped or I had a pint of Stella (who gives a f**k). At the end of the day, being a woman does mean that we have a right to be confident but also push each other, rather than being so s**tty toward each other.

This was kind of a random post, but scrolling through Instagram and Tumblr, reading people’s comments and just generally looking at posts, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to post something that people seems to complain about rather than take advantage of. So stop being silly. Take off your bra, sit on the sofa with your hair done or your rollers in, with your heels on and have a print whilst you watch Eastenders tonight. AND.. if anyone asks you “what the hell are you doing”, make sure you reply with something sassy and slightly cheeky (or just tell them to f**k off).

Twitter: Kulraj_pooni

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