Gin & Platonic?

When you’re twenty something, it starts to dawn on you that you either find someone soon or you’re destined to become a spinster sister with your best friend. Pretty scary, especially when you’re near the capital and have instead taken up a less social approach to life, leaving you in this predicament .

Being younger and meeting cool people was easy. You go on a night out, meet a few people and you hit it off and continue drinking, until someone does something they later regret. But that’s difficult when you move to a small town outside of London, with the percentage of the population being over 50. Don’t get me wrong oldies are goldies.. but only if they’re Harrison Ford!

Sometimes, it gets to a point in life, when you fell as though you’re stuck in a bit of a rut. A big fat hole of no love, kind of rut.

For some, Tinder is a feasible option. If I’m honest though, I don’t think I’d be cut out for bazaar interactions with random people, without a few shots. You never know how that’s going to end..

Moving near the big city, I thought I’d finally get a chance to find a whole bunch of fun acquaintances. I must admit, I have met some great people and definitely some friends for life, but it’s one of those situations where friendships are either platonic (all of mine) or you have to work your way around the opposite sex to find the right one (which I can tell you just from watching, DOES NOT END WELL).

For the majority of us, it’s a pretty difficult job meeting potential suitors. University is definitely the place to meet new people but it does get difficult. Whilst trying to juggle hand-ins, that we all do the night before, having some sort of social life and doing so with no money to really spend, dating ends up on the back burner. But, for those few lucky ones that manage to find relationships at university or somehow keep long distance relationships going, the rest of us end up lying in bed watching Netflix and spooning pillows (speaking mainly for myself).

Living as a student I have definitely realised how lonely it can get and how daunting the idea of dating seems. Especially when you’re the ‘old lady’ within the groups of friends. Sometimes we can let our hair down and dance on tables, but for the most part, having a brew and keeping a to-do list is much more exciting. But where does that leave us?

One must admit, even though becoming a spinster seems like it could potentially be fun, I sometimes can’t help notice that each year a birthday passes, as does another year of disappointment in my love life. I can’t say that I’m too surprised though really, because I’d probably choose my gal pals over a date.

For the time being, I may have to stick to booze and my favourite babes to get me through the biggest boy draught the world has potentially ever seen.  As for my parents wanting grand kids one day.. well, you’ve got other kids.

 

Cold Heart + Cold Pizza

As the saying goes there’s a soulmate out there for everyone. Unfortunately, unless my soulmate is in a glass bottle and called San Miguel I don’t think I’ll be falling in love anytime soon. I’m sure I’m not the only female in the world whose love life flops before it’s even started, but then again every girl seems to have some sort of attachment to a guy or ten.

I’ve been at uni for a nearly two months and so far, well lets just say my love life has gone from pretty great to non-existent. From unexpected breakup texts to unexpected interactions, I don’t think I’ll need to shave anytime soon (I’m kind of glad, I don’t have time for personal grooming anyway).

For most young girls my age finding someone you’re infatuated by to spend your time with is a pretty important thing. But what about when it all goes wrong and we promise to never let ourselves go through that again and gain no real attachment to a person; does it really work? My guess is no for the majority.

Love is a weird thing.. A very scary thing. For someone who has promised herself to never actually admit it to anyone it makes everything a lot harder. Dropping the ‘L’ bomb is a massive deal, not just because that means you’ve finally admitted defeat but also because it’s a bigger step than just letting a guy see you without your real eyebrows on. It’s not the easiest thing trying to have a relationship when you claim you’re a cold-hearted bitch and don’t ever have any real feelings, but it’s also difficult when you let your guard down and act human around someone you genuinely do have feeling for. Even if you do just refer to what you have as ‘just feelings’.

Getting to know someone is a great thing most of the time. Especially when you find out they like pizza as much as you do and have a love for spooning. But when it ends that’s another story. You go from infatuated to inflated within seconds and it’s pretty heartbreaking, especially when you realise you can’t turn your feelings off. It’s worse knowing that you don’t have much hate in your body too, not enough to cuss your former lover anyway.

After a breakup we can all admit that we start to over think and start listening to that one song on repeat day after day that reminds us of that guy that we once claimed we really liked to all of our friends. At least when it all subsides and everyone forgets you were once a thing you can rely on food and a new song that empowers you.. just don’t break your own heart. That’s more difficult to run away from.

Green teas & Interviews

I’m excited to start my day today. I’m poorly but none the less I’m starting my day with green tea and this lovely post. The weird excitement for the day (on my behalf that is) is that I am making the most of the day. Whether the weather is horrible, nice or mediocre I’m going to have some fun. Or at least try; even though I woke up late too.

My day is planned out, even with tedious tasks like going to the bank. But as well as that, I’m building my portfolio for my interview next week *two cheers for me*, booking a day in London and seeing my best friend for an hour or two and potentially some old lecturers. So It’s pretty much a day with all of my favourite things. Obviously, with a full day planned ahead I do plan (trying my hardest) to look great so I feel great. I’m feeling smokey eyes and a salute to the seventies; which is basically all I stand for. Also after looking pretty crappy all weekend I feel it’s needed in order to help slightly with my mood and general functioning throughout the day.

Instagram. Now, I talk about this in every post because why not. But going out and productively doing something interesting also makes my Instagram interesting. Well, as interesting and dynamic as Leicester can look. Let’s not lie to ourselves it’s not exactly London or Milan. But it can be fun; usually more so when you’re drunk, but I can manage. I think. We’ll see from my feed tomorrow how interesting my day has actually been. For now go follow me on Insta @kulrajkpooni so you know if I’ve coped and how well I’ve actually done with my day.

 

I’ve Taken My Vows. Genuinely

So I stayed in bed till really late again today. In comparison to what I was doing a month or so ago. It’s bizarre that life can literally alter in the blink of an eye and all of a sudden you go from working full time, not really earning a considerable amount, being moderately happy but knowing something is missing. To the complete opposite and having the thing that was missing previously to be your only safe ground. Like a haven…

Currently I’m sat on my mattress on the floor in my bedroom at my mums, trying to figure out what exactly has happened to me and my life in such a short space of time. Really? I’m not entirely sure. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I mean I’m constantly thinking about all of the little (incredibly fucked up) parts of my life and trying to at least get a slight understanding, but when you’re 19 and your whole life takes a slight turn for the worst, it’s pretty difficult.

So here it is. My aim in the next year is to go to uni September ’16, so that’s my main focus; but with an amazing portfolio proving that I would be an amazing photographer with all the little bits that come with it. Move to London because I’m in love with it and in comparison to the population of the capital it makes me feel weirdly calm and at home. As well as that, you know; it’s one of the most cultural cities I’ve been to (other than Milan), the art scene is incredible, artists work for passion rather than just for money and also it’s where I lost my Five Guys virginity, so naturally as a girl, I am emotionally drawn to my first love (not surprising it’s food, hey).

Seriously though, my slight sanity (that’s left anyway) is due to the fact I have my photography. If I didn’t have that, I’d probably be crying myself to sleep every night with a bottle of Jim Beam tucked up in bed with me. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous but when you’re 19, your friends are a text here and there because they have lives (unlike yourself), you don’t have money or a job and you’ve picked up some bad habits that literally came from nowhere (actually I’ll thank my dad for those) shit gets really fucking confusing.

So from this point (Tuesday 22nd September 2015) I vow to be myself and never end up the forty-nine year old ‘soccer mom’, who wishes she’d chased her dreams a little more, still wore red lips and nails and lived in sequins, fur and a fuck load of rings (me now). I also vow to make sure that the people in my life are always in my life no matter what happens (basically don’t lose lines of communication with the people I love). Lastly, I vow to never let anyone stop me from being a photographer or from being who I am. Period. *How do you end vows by the way? Is it ‘Amen’? or do I just celebrate with a shot of something?*